Short film aims to dispel stigma around pregnancy and infant loss

The makers of a short film hope it will open up a conversation about pregnancy and infant loss and help dispel the stigma around the topic. Dilshad Burman reports.

By Dilshad Burman

*CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of suicide, miscarriage and infant loss*

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month — a topic widely veiled in a culture of silence.

A new short film explores the feelings of guilt and shame surrounding the concepts of miscarriages, abortions and other reasons for infant loss, hoping to dispel the stigma.

Co-produced by Shereen Mohiuddin and Ramla Anwarali, Angel Mama draws on Mohiuddin’s personal experiences to delve into the issue.

“Amir, my son, was born before the pandemic. We didn’t expect him to be born alive, but he was, and he died on my chest,” she explains.

During her 20-week ultrasound appointment, Mohiuddin and her husband were told her unborn son would not be “compatible with life.” She chose to carry him to term and say goodbye to him in her arms.

“There’s no pain in this world that can compare … the pain is unbearable. And then when you tell someone ‘don’t talk about it’ — there’s a reason why there are some mothers who sadly succumb to their depression and end up taking their lives,” she says.

“I was told not to speak so that I could keep other people comfortable.”

Anwarali explains that the film highlights the taboos around the subject and other unpleasant topics that are ingrained from a young age, especially in the South Asian community that the cast and crew of the film are from. She says that is part of what drew her to the project with Mohiuddin.

“Even though I didn’t live her experience and I can’t even imagine the kind of pain that she would have had to overcome, I could still relate to the South Asian culture and how we were always taught to never speak up about things that upset us. We were always told to shove things under the rug, to just ignore these kind of conversations because it was too difficult to deal with,” she says.

“There weren’t people who were able to explain certain situations to us, so we were just told to never talk about it.”

The film’s title is a term used often in pregnancy and infant loss networks.

“We’re told that regardless whether your child has lived, no matter what the gestation is, you’re still a mama — that’s very nice and comforting to hear,” she says. “Some people like to tell me, in particular my mother, that Amir’s an angel now. So I’m a mom to an angel.”

Mohiuddin adds making the film was a cathartic experience, channeling her grief into artistic expression.

“I’m probably not the only one whose gone through this or will continue to go through this and if I want to continue to live, what’s [going to stop me from wanting] to take my own life? It’s to do something that makes me feel empowered, makes me feel ok and tell people listening or watching that ‘you know what? Your mother may have gone through this, your sister may have gone through this, you may go through it unfortunately and this is not easy to through,'” she says, adding that she hopes  the film will open up the conversations for others.

“If you don’t open the floor for people to discuss what they’re going through, how do you expect your children, the future generation to come and tell you ‘hey ma or hey dad … this is what I’m going through.’ How to we build and grow as a community? How do we make sure resources are in place?”

Anwarali adds that while great strides have been made around dismantling archaic narratives around the issues in recent years, there’s still a long way to go.

“I’ve had experiences where I still get told that I’m making a big deal out of things, or I get titled as being too sensitive or too emotional, but in reality, that’s just me healing from my trauma from the past,” she says. “I always have this debate with myself whether I should ask my parents for example, or my relatives to change according to the times. And even though we can’t completely blame them for their mentality, it’s still up to us, in this day and age, to make these little differences so that our children and grandchildren can have a safer space.”

Both Mohiuddin and Anwarali say they hope speaking openly about pregnancy and infant loss in the film will also go a long way in making those who experience it feel less alone.

“Expecting women to just get up and try again — what does that even mean? Where do you even go to ask for help or talk to someone? Who do you share your feelings with? — that’s what the film is about,” says Mohiuddin.

“I feel like somebody has to step out of the comfort zone to make it easier for the rest of the world,” adds Anwarali. “I think that’s one of the reasons that it’s really important to highlight these social issues so that … even if you can help just one person out there deal with their trauma, to deal with their mental health, it’s definitely a success.”

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