A memoir in parenting book drag: How We Do Family is part autobiography, part how-to
Posted July 4, 2021 3:40 pm.
Last Updated October 18, 2021 11:42 am.
Portland, Oregon (NEWS 1130) – “‘We can’t sell a memoir written by a person that nobody knows. But what we can do is we can sell a parenting book.’ And so it is kind of a memoir in parenting book drag,” says Trystan Reese, author of How We Do Family: From Adoption to Trans Pregnancy, What We Learned About Love and LGBTQ Parenthood.
You may remember Reese as “the pregnant man” from when the story of his pregnancy gained international media attention in 2017. Four years later, he is putting that remarkable story to paper in this new memoir.
“It is a story that is definitely very personal, but has a lot of what we hope are really useful tips and tricks for parents of all identities as they start to think about how they can do their family on their own terms,” he explains.
How We Do Family begins with the story of Reese and his partner Biff taking in Biff’s niece and nephew.
“Unfortunately, not everyone who gives birth is able to give their children the life that the children want and need and deserve,” Reese says of his partner’s sister.
“I was raised in a family where, when kids need you, you step up and you say yes and you do everything you can to help. And so we said yes, pretty much right away, not knowing, of course, that that emergency placement would become a permanent placement. And later we went on to legally adopt them and now we’re their forever family.”
Today on @NEWS1130: We speak with Trystan Reese (@Biffandi), author of How We Do Family: From Adoption to Trans Pregnancy, What We Learned About Love and LGBTQ Parenthood, what he likes to call "a memoir in parenting book drag." Look for it from @experimentbooks. #1130bookshelf pic.twitter.com/yakBCfvrM1
— John Ackermann ???? (@jackermann) July 4, 2021
The family grew by one more with the birth of son Leo. Reese does admit he was taken aback by the level of backlash to his trans pregnancy.
“I did, obviously, consent to telling my story publicly,” he says. “I truly believe that the world was ready for a different kind of trans story, that they were ready for a positive family-building story that was really about possibility and hope, and the, like, incredibly DIY sort of nature of queer people. We take the parts that were given, you know, some of which are just like broken shards of things and we cobble them together and we make something that’s like a, you know, beautiful mosaic that’s better than the broken parts that we were handed.”
However, Reese doesn’t regret going public, then or now.
“Every person, be they trans or not, should have the ability to create a family according to their wildest dreams. And so I think that storytelling is really vital in moving that conversation forward. It’s not the only way, it’s one way, and that happens to be the way that I’m working within right now.”
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The book is best described as part autobiography, part how-to manual. Each chapter ends with a ‘notes’ section. For instance, chapter one ends with a glossary of trans language terms from Assigned Sex at Birth to Sexual Orientation.
“I would say the primary audience is not LGBTQ people,” Reese points out. “I’m thrilled if other LGBTQ people come to the book and read it. Really, my intended audience was allies, was people who are not from the community, but who want to learn more about some of the stories that exist within the community, and to learn from the way that people who are not allies with LGBTQ people, how do we do things differently.”
How We Do Family: From Adoption to Trans Pregnancy, What We Learned About Love and LGBTQ Parenthood is available from Experiment Publishing.
