Gay Indian man using first Vancouver Pride to educate South Asian community

A gay man who left India hoping for more acceptance and a connection with the LGBTQ2S+ community will be attending his first Vancouver Pride since arriving in Canada.

To mark his first Pride, Uday Kakkar wants locals to know queer South Asian people exist and are just as deserving of acceptance.

While moving to Vancouver made a big difference to his feeling of acceptance, he still felt alienated by both of his communities.

Feeling, he was too gay for the local Indian community and too Indian for LGBTQ2S+ community.

“We have to struggle with more identities, more labels. We offend more people,” Kakkar, explains.

Kakkar is of Punjabi descent and was living in Mumbai, India where same-sex relationships and gay sex are still illegal.

He says his parents were confused at first when he came out, but they loved and accepted him.

However, he said he made a stark realization that he would need to leave the country that was not LGBTQ2S+ friendly to him.

“The city I was in, it’s okay to be gay … But if I go to the interiors, like small cities, I might get bullied, I might get killed also, I might get lynched by a mob,” he said. “I also felt my family will forever have this obligation on them to protect me, to be cautious that ‘Uday is with us.'”

Kakkar made the decision to move to Canada after watching the news and seeing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau raise the LGBTQ2S+ flag in parliament.

While Kakkar admits he’s felt the culture in Canada has been more accepting, he’s faced challenges with his two identities — being a gay Punjabi man.

"Punjabis and gay people have a lot in common…" – Uday Kakkar is celebrating his first @vancouverpride
after moving from India and he wants to bring both identities to the celebrations. More tonight: https://t.co/3r1JoVAKm5 pic.twitter.com/BlteIo0r2r

— Crystal Laderas (@CrisLaderas) April 22, 2022

Kakkar emphasizes there is a need to educate South Asians, which is why he does not blame them for gaps in their understanding for LGBTQ2S+ people.

“A lot of people who come to Surrey are from villages in India, they’re from small towns. And over there being gay is not taught in school. And they don’t even watch mainstream Bollywood movies, where they will learn about LGBTQ2S+? So I don’t blame them.”

The Sher Vancouver LGBTQ Friends Society reiterates Kakkar’s point, agreeing homophobia in South Asian culture often stems from ignorance.

“Especially with the older people. They don’t have any exposure. They see it as an ‘other’ type of thing. So it’s hard to kind of balance those worlds and kind of bring them together because just because, no one talks about it, says Karn Singh Sahota, Manager of Outreach at Sher Vancouver.

“It’s not something that is acknowledged even in the Sikh holy book. It’s not even touched on, which some people take as a stride as ‘it’s not touched upon, which means it can’t be judged upon,’ but some people take it as ‘it’s not talked upon. So it’s something that shouldn’t even be spoken about,” Sahota adds.

As Kakkar faces challenges with the Indian community accepting his sexuality, he adds his time in Canada has also proved difficult as the LGBTQ2S+ community can at times look at him differently for his racial background.

“Because I’m Indian, and I’m gay, I’m still looked at as a different person. I’m still labelled as an outsider,” he said.

This discrimination is felt with other racially marginalized people he admits, adding, “that’s the harsh truth that the community needs to accept.”

“We go around telling people that we are gay, so we are more likely to be more inclusive. That’s not true. Gay people are as human as any other person.”

In India, Kakkar used to speak at university campuses around Mumbai to educate people about the LGBTQ community, but his advocacy didn’t stop there.

Now in Vancouver, he plans to gather others like him for Vancouver Pride events and carrying signs made specifically for South Asians.

“Punjabis and gay people have a lot in common. We like food, we like colourful clothes, we like music, we like to party. So I think if Punjabis are taught more and more about LGBTQ, they will turn out to be the most LGBTQ friendly people.”

Editor’s note: This article has been updated with the correct spelling of Uday Kakkar’s name.