The Kids Are Not Alright: Parents share heartbreaking stories

FILE - A student in a classroom. (CityNews)

Posted April 12, 2023 5:00 am.

Last Updated April 20, 2023 10:35 am.

Something is happening with B.C.’s youngest students. Many, especially young children, are struggling in classrooms after returning to school full-time since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.

While teachers are seeing it in their classrooms, parents are also living and dealing with it at home.

In Part Two of The Kids Are Not Alright, a CityNews in-depth investigation, we’re hearing from families who are struggling to get their children the help they so desperately need.

Editor’s note: This story contains references to self-harm. If you or a loved one is at risk of self-harm, the BC Crisis Centre can be reached at 1-800-784-2433. Translation services are available.

“It makes me feel like a failure as a parent like maybe I’ve done something wrong,” said local mother Katie, who doesn’t want her last name published.

Katie has a seven-year-old in Grade 2 who has spent her entire time in the education system in the shadow of the pandemic.

Read Part One of the series: Growing concerns in B.C. elementary classrooms

Katie says her daughter, who attends school in Langley, is having a hard time adjusting with focus, attention, impulse control, and a lack of emotional regulation. She says her child is currently on medication for ADHD.

“She’s my baby and it’s tough because last year she was bullied,” Katie said through tears, noting it’s been a challenging couple of years.

‘It’s like you feel you’ve already lost the battle before you’ve even set foot on the field’

Katie tells CityNews she has spent thousands of dollars getting outside help for her daughter through assessments, counselling, and medication.

“When I asked for a psychoeducational assessment through the school district, I was told she would be in high school before they ever have a chance to see her. And then I said, ‘Well, can I put her on the list?’ And they said, ‘No, we’re not taking any more people on the list.'”

Katie feels the pandemic not only had a negative effect on her daughter’s learning abilities but feels it made things worse for burnt-out teachers whose threshold is lower than ever.

“We were getting reports from school that she’s disruptive and she talks too much, and there were never any solutions offered, never ‘have you considered X, Y, and Z?’ There were no maybe gentle pushes to get her help.”

Katie admits she feels ignored trying to get her daughter the help she needs.

“Absolutely. I’m sort of new to this whole kid-with-ADHD world, but I’ve joined support groups on Facebook and it’s a constant battle. You see parents who are like, ‘I have been advocating for my kid for years and nothing ever changes and every school year it’s the same battle over and over and over again.’ Hearing that is discouraging,” Katie explained.

“It’s like you feel you’ve already lost the battle before you’ve even set foot on the field. It’s hard. I don’t know how I’m going to get my daughter from Grade 2 to Grade 12 without fighting my butt off for the rest of her educational career. Hopefully, as she gets older, things get better, but there’s no guarantee.”

The Langley School Board Office

With her daughter being on medication and receiving help outside the school system, Katie feels they are on the right path but admits she’s drained.

“I mean I’m basically at a loss.”

Katie says she feels some reassurance knowing she’s not the only parent going through this right now.

“Thousands of parents across the province, every day you get up and you go, ‘What’s going to happen today?'”

Katie’s story is in line with what Tisha Krafte says she’s experiencing with her child.

Krafte’s pre-teen son is in Grade 7 this year. The Langley student has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, a speech disorder, and high anxiety, which Krafte says worsened when he returned to full-time learning.

“We feel like Grade 6 for my son was a non-learning year and I’m not saying anything wrong with the behavioural students, but there were two behavioural students in this class, and they came with a lot of stress and anxiety for my son, for his personal safety, because there weren’t enough resources to help those two children,” she told CityNews.

The mother says she has also invested thousands of dollars of her own money to get him the help he needs.

“I think we should realize that our school system and our education [system] are failing our children,” an emotional Krafte said while trying to hold back tears.

Krafte advocates for help and feels if that’s not consistent, things for her son will get worse.

“There are some days where he says he has a stomach ache. We know children of my son’s age, who has ADHD, they often cut themselves. My son isn’t there yet, but close. We could see it escalating to that point if we’re not at this point, trying to stop it.”

Exasperated, Krafte says the lack of resources to help kids like her’s simply can’t continue.

“It’s crazy. We have parents that have kids that are crying every day and refuse to come to school. I mean, my son’s not crying every day but [they’re] crying every day … because they’re not supported? It’s absolutely heartbreaking.”

Krafte feels she has done everything she can to make her son successful and hopes it pays off in the future.

“I’m not even sure how to help other parents other than say, ‘Advocate. Advocate. Advocate. Advocate for yourself.’ Honestly, if you don’t have that voice and you’re the one fighting for your child, no one else is going to. They will fall away in the school system.”

BCTF weighs in

Clint Johnston is the president of the BC Teachers’ Federation. As a father and an educator, he knows first-hand how challenging things have become for students struggling with adjusting, anxiety, emotional awareness, and the reports of disruption in the classroom as children without consistent access to resources act out.

Johnston says what’s happening in classrooms right now is not okay.

“We hear this from members all the time. That emotional drain, the memory of students you wish you could have done more for. You can’t articulate it unless you’re there, but I hope people know that’s the driver for the things we ask for. It’s not about money, it’s about making sure our children have everything they need,” he explained.

Related article: Vancouver mother speaks out on psychoeducational assessment waits

He understands children and their parents are having a tough go but says teachers are also beyond burnt out.

“I think when we talk about burnout, we talk about the literal workload, but that mental and emotional attrition, that’s a really significant part of it. That’s about the most I can say without getting a little quavery. You’ve hit on a very real thing there, which is the capacity of people to continue going on when they feel like they haven’t been able to reach everyone as much as they’d like.”

Johnston feels a little defeated and disappointed, adding he hopes something changes.

“I understand how governments work. I understand how taxation and prioritization but at the end of the day when you’re talking about children and the start you’re giving them in their life, I am frustrated. I think it’s time education was seen as the priority it is,” he said, adding the BCTF is in constant communication with the B.C. government.

FILE – BC Teachers’ Federation (BCTF) President Clint Johnston. Johnston says what’s happening in classrooms right now is not okay. (Submitted)

Jennifer Knibbs is a Grade 2/3 teacher in North Vancouver.

She echoes Johnston’s comments and says teachers are having trouble getting through the curriculum as students struggle to respond.

“If you don’t have a relationship and you don’t build that with your class and you don’t have that community, you’re constantly at war with yourself because you feel like you know you need to get through the curriculum, you know you have these kids that have much higher emotional needs and then you have extreme behaviours that really take a toll on the kids and the class.”